i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
