i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
