I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
