if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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