I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
