Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
