no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
