I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
