Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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