Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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