Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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