he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
