i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
