yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
