Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
