You can't motorboat a personality
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
