her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
