I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
