We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
