I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
