areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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