I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there is glitter all over my balls
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
