I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
