the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
