Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
