Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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