wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
never play flip cup with pint glasses
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
