Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
