Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
