Have you finally orgasmed yet?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
