His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
