I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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