Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
