Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
