I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
