I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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