i barfeds in our rink
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
