I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
