that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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