Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I puked a lego.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
