the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
