What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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