I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
