So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
