She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize