remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I made him laugh his dick is mine
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
