home. puking in laundry basket.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Congratulations! We have a period
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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