i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
