What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
