is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
