Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I didn't notice because vodka
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
