I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
