he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
