I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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