Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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