I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
