My underwear smells like fireworks.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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