eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
