We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
