How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
