Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
