Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
