Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
