Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
