Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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