Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
