Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
