Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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