I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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