I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
